This is me.

Chapter 1:
I feel more uncomfortable in my own skin more than anything. Everything bothers me when I am.
I feel more alone when in a huge crowd than alone in my room
I binge on fruits more than junk food because I'm afraid of gaining weight.
I rarely get upset.
When I do get upset I take it out on myself before anyone.
This is me.

Daughter's wishes

I wish my dad loved me as much as he loves our dog.
I wish my mom cared that I cut myself.
I wish my parents knew,
how much I cry every night over their divorce.
I wish my parents told me they loved me.
I'm grateful to have both parents.
But I'd like them together.
What's the point of having both parents,
when neither of them care about you.
They fill the emotional void with material possessions.
I'd give it all away just for one hug.
Just to hear for ONCE " We love you Shannon."

Maybe I wouldn't cut as much.
Maybe I wouldn't cry so much.
Maybe I'd enjoy coming home everyday.
Maybe I'd frown a little less.
I don't want the impossible from you.
I don't want simple attention.
I want to be loved by the two people,
that matter the most to me.

Dad, the longest conversations we have,
are about how many things I do wrong.
And how mom leaving is my fault.
How I could've cleaned more,
Or if I cooked more,
If I smiled more.
If I didn't have so many problems.
We suffer in silence as she falls in love again.

The Family Meeting

Family meetings lead to nothing but bad news.
Family meeting lead to tear and confusion.
Family meetings are unnecessary and cruel.
We'll sit and wonder, what could be the cause.
Not knowing the seriousness of it all.
You'll break it to us heartlessly and blunt.
Not even seeming to care about the affects of your sin.
Fuck your sadistic ways of thinking.
Fuck your obscene excuses.
You don't try to care for your family.
You don't support your family anymore because of your decision.
Because you stopped loving him apparently that means you stopped loving us.
Tell me what goes on in that head of yours.
I want to know what exactly made you come to the decision of ruining the lives of many.

Gossip

Ever sit in a room and over hear a conversation about you?
A conversation that isn't all that nice?
I don't think most people realize that words hurt.
People stretch the truth.
People don't know the whole truth of the story.
Or the whole story at all for that matter.
People don't understand the reason people are the way they are,
so they start up  a neat thing called gossip.
Even family will resort to it.
Even your best friends will.
You never know who yours enemies are,
until they blow shit up in your face.
You can't be aware of everything  at one time.
It just isn't possible.
Because people will tell you one thing that will keep you at ease,
Go home and say another that'll ruin you.
Think before you speak because once the words come out your mouth,
you can never take them back.
What's done is done,
and what was said will affect many

-Shannon

Your Child's Eyes

Raised voices,
being thrown across the room.
Tears falling,
but none falling from you.
You disagreeing fools,
do you not understand who's being affected?
Genuine words spoken,
but none to the one who matters the most.

If the walls could speak,
they would say your never around.
Oh is this a mistake?
Your home for once,
as always spreading depression and frowns.

You tell me I don't understand.
Why don't you explain it to me?
My heart, ears, and arms are always open.
He told you that did he?
Isn't it about time you close your mouth and open your ears?
Swallow your pride and face your fears

You have children to support foolish one
Do we not mean much to you at all?
Money will not make us happy,
neither will material possessions.
Your love will bring this family joy.
Not your dirty secret obsessions.

We used to look up to your love,
now I pray to god I'll never end up like you.
Miserable,
Irresponsible,
Unstable,
A disgrace,
To both the family and to all women.

The kind of love you look for,
 is not the kind of love that will last a life time.
But the man at home,
shedding tears for you every night will.
If you took the time out of your busy life,
you would see a changed,
dedicated man with a heart big enough for two.

Go ahead look with your child's eyes,
and you'll see a loving family ready to forgive.


-----To Mom
Love , Your Child.

In Love With A Player

Obviously I'm not your cup of tea
And obviously you prefer her over me
And if I were to die tonight
Would I even cross your mind?
And if I were to take my life
Would you even pray for me?

I know I never was a choice
And I know she was closer than I'll ever be
But you didn't even have the decency to tell me the truth
Instead you filled my heart up with lies,
And promised me they were true
And trust me I believed in you
But you led me to believe that you loved me too.

I put you in front of everything
I made you my top priority
But you took my heart and held it by a thin string
You took this angel and broke it's wings
Usually in situations as such sir , I blame myself.
Now at times like these I look forward to your demise

I was new to love , you were just a player playing the game
you ripped up the innocence inside of me
To this day I dare not whisper your name
Torn i crawl
Oblivious you stand
Hurt i remain
By the man's demand

I will not wish hurt upon you
But i will pray that you reap what you sow
You may try to erase me from your tainted memory
But the evil in you will continue to show
Destroyed be my heart
But strong be my soul
You'll always be a player playing the game
But i'll always remain the love you threw away

Stuck in school on a snow day

This is madness. Im stuck in school while the snow is piling up. Cant take this lol. But i do have a new video going up. FINGERS CROSSED! x]